Last week, Dan Verhasselt shared something remarkable. After forty years of not crying and a lifetime of absorbing some version of, “Don’t cry. Be strong. Be a man.” he found himself weeping during a massage after the death of his wife, Sandy. For Dan, those tears mattered. They gave him a rele...

  Last week, Dan Verhasselt shared how he created a quiet space where he could spend time remembering his wife, Sandy. A candle. A photograph. Some music. A little space where the love and grief could both have somewhere to go. But there was another part of Dan’s grief that had nowhere to go. His...

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away—Florida, 1993—I was the three-quarter-time pastor of Trenton United Methodist Church. Which left me needing something to do with the other quarter time. So I did title searches. If you’ve never had the pleasure, a title search is exactly as exciting as it...

One of the most physically and emotionally exhausting things we can face after a spouse or partner dies is figuring out what to do with their stuff. What do I keep? What do I give away? What do I donate? What do I throw away? What do I do with the wedding ring? The clothes? The jewelry? The tools...

Last week, I wrote about one of my favorite reminders: It’s always OK to ask for what you need. That is true. It is also true that sometimes asking is hard. I can’t tell you how many people have said something to me along the lines of: “I wish my kids would call me more.” “I wish my friends would...

I can’t tell you how many members of churches I have lost to death. Not because they died but because someone they loved did. After a spouse, child, parent, or close friend died, church became too painful. Sometimes it was the empty pew beside them. Sometimes it was the hymn they could no longer ...